Slam Dunk

I died a painful death this afternoon.

(This is a little embarrassing)
I masturbate rather a lot.
I'm not sure why, I'm compelled
To jerk off eight or even ten times a day.

I was sitting in my Herman Miller Aeron chair
(classy I know)
Working on my ninth or tenth wank of the day.
It always gets a little strained towards bedtime.

When I came my vas deferens cramped up
As if locked in a vice.
I tried to scream, but a dry sickly croak
Was all I could manage.

I fell to the ground writhing, trying to uncramp my nuts.
In between orgasmic spasms
My dry retches syncopated;
I imagine it was quite comical to watch.

Too weak to move,
Lying on my side, groaning slightly, still jerking
My nads depleted,
I suddenly discovered a new way to hurt.

Soft tissues detached from the inside of my prostate
Were apparently slamming against the end of my urethra
With every attempted squirt.
(This I gleaned from the autopsy report.)
For all the pain it might as well have been tiny diamonds trying to escape my cock, uncut.
(The diamonds, not the cock.)

Later, from my new vantage point
I watched as my pitiful corpse drew horrified howls.

Believe me, you do not want to go out that way.

Passing Unexpectedly On The Tube

Passing Unexpectedly On The Tube

I was going to see a friend in Mile End
When an unexpected end came to me.

I disembarked, and looked up smiling at a thought.
A hollow-eyed skin with a tattoo on his forehead looked back angrily.

I have always been afraid of random acts of violence
So I hastily lowered my gaze.

Of course it was too late.
The eye contact could not be unmade.

He asked me a question without really wanting to know the answer.
I know this because he stabbed me in the throat before I could formulate one.

urethra burn

urethra burn

Sweet Jesus Christ Almighty Holy Mary Mother Of God Make It Stop.
I'm not ashamed to tell you
Despite being an atheist
I screamed these words with sincerity.

Perhaps you have suffered a tightened urethra in your time.
Perhaps a non-specific urethritis.
I recall as a young teen, whilst at sea with my father
Feeling my urethra burn for the very first time.
I was terrified to piss, waited until I could hold it no more.
And of course by then it was over.

For several years, it seems
My bladder was getting smaller
Or perhaps losing its spongiform qualities.

While I was unconscious
They stuck a camera down my cock.
I was less than enthusiastic, but could see the sense;
My penis could not however.

That night, I drank much water
and
(remembering my youthful terror at sea)
Walked CAREFULLY to the bathroom,
Gingerly took out my penis,
Clenched my jaw,
and went.

a small pain in my chest

I had some discomfort in my chest a few months ago.
Per usual, I ignored it. I never pay much attention to aches and pains.
It stuck around, wouldn't go away.
Eventually, I started coughing all the time.
It was an unproductive cough, with no apparent reason.
It confused me more than anything else.

One morning, I woke up unable to breathe.
Panicking, I ran to the bathroom choking, trying to cough.
Finally successful, something black and glistening fell from my mouth.
Now I could breathe, but there was a dull ache within
My lung.

To cut a long story short,
X-Ray, diagnosis (cancer), soreness, pain, confusion...
Metastasis silly!

I enjoyed my kids very much in my last days,
Brain cancer nothwithstanding.
Obviously those precious moments were coloured dark by sadness.
But they would not have been so intense and wonderful otherwise.

So now I wait to die, quietly,
Conserving energy or perhaps just
Trying to find a way of being which hurts less.
I find I love diamorphine, as I always knew I would.

Turns out a man can live with much less lung than you'd think.
But brains, not so much.

I died first thing this morning

I died first thing this morning.

To begin with, there was a small pain in my chest
Secondly, I started feeling dizzy
This made me panic a little, so I jumped out of bed
Head spinning, I wobbled to the bathroom
Part way through urinating, my piss went pink
In no time my urethra burned intolerably and my piss turned to blood
Now I was truly crapping my load; so I crapped my load
Right there on the bathroom floor
I tried to plead with Rachel for my life
She screamed - the blood vessels in my eyes were bursting
I guess it looked pretty bad
By now I was feeling faint, and judging by the bedroom floor
Had lost rather a lot of blood
The world went dark
I fell, but do not recall reaching the ground.